


I Want To Hold Your Hand

by pandorabox82



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-03 05:20:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8698630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorabox82/pseuds/pandorabox82
Summary: Bernie finds herself flummoxed when she cant find a reason to reach out and hold Serena's hand. That is, until Serena gives her one.





	1. Chapter 1

They had been officially exclusive for a week, and Bernie found herself aching for every little experience with Serena. Oh, certainly, there had been torrid kisses stolen at the most convenient of moments, and occasional feels copped in the office, but there were still some things that she wanted to do with Serena that just never seemed to happen. Namely, holding her hand.

Which seemed so silly to her, given the things they had experienced. And she couldn't find any way to voice her wants in this regard. She was so accustomed to being, as Serena had labelled her, a big macho army medic that tenderness and sweetness often fell by the wayside as she let Serena guide the direction their relationship took. Because she didn't currently want to rock the boat, and perhaps lose the best thing she had ever had in her life.

But she was here in surgery, gazing across the table at Serena, watching her movements as Bernie assisted her. Their movements were completely in sync, and that realization made her smile at her partner. Serena caught the expression in her eyes and returned it before saying something to the anesthetist. Thankfully, it was a short surgery, routine, almost, and Bernie was soon closing the incision before following Serena over to the wall and leaning against it as they regarded each other.

"That went well," Serena said as she peeled off her gloves, tossing them into the bin. Bernie followed suit, giving her a small nod. "I like easy surgeries like this. It's like the trauma gods are giving us a reprieve from the hell we normally face."

"Isn't that true?" Bernie felt her smile falter a little as she reached out and brushed her hand along Serena's arm, stopping just short of her hand. She just couldn't quite seem to find the courage to clasp said hand, it seemed, and Serena didn't seem to pick up on the hint, instead sighing a little as she stepped away and pulled off her mask, tossing it in the bin. Bernie tried not to lean into her as Serena reached up and grabbed hold of her own mask and threw it away.

"Is everything okay, Bernie? You look like you have something to say," Serena said as she once more leaned against the wall, regarding her carefully. A soft blush sprang up on her cheeks as she shrugged, the words she wanted to say turning to ash. "Well, come along, we both deserve to take our lunch break now. Pulses is calling my name."

Bernie laughed as she nodded, following Serena from the room and heading down to their office. Once inside, she grabbed her wallet and gestured with her head. "I've got it today, let's go."

"Bernie."

"No protestations. It's my turn to pay, all right?" Serena gave her one of those adorably sarcastic looks, and Bernie just laughed as she rested her hand on the small of Serena's back, guiding her over to the lift. As they waited for it, she couldn't help but think that this would be the perfect opportunity to just reach out and grab Serena's hand, thread their fingers together, and run her thumb along those elegant knuckles. And she might have, too, had one of the new F1s not come bustling around the corner, looking intently at something in his hand.

Instinctively, she moved away from Serena, not wanting to imply that there was anything happening between them, even though it seemed like everyone knew there was. Serena gave her a slightly wounded look, and she shook her head a little as they stepped into the elevator. The moment the doors were closed, Serena turned to her and wrapped her fingers around Bernie's upper arm, forcing Bernie to look at her. "Did you really just pull away from me, Bernie?"

The wounded look on her partner's face cut Bernie to the core, and she fought to keep from tensing her arms, knowing that the move would only wound Serena more. And there was no way that she could possibly hold onto Serena's hand now, since she had to explain things. "I, I did. It's hard to be free and flirty around the new doctors, when they're F1s, and looking to us to lead them along. It was a propriety thing, and…fuck, I'm babbling again. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Serena cocked her head to one side as she regarded Bernie. "I keep forgetting that you are a little more reserved than I am, Bernie. I am more accustomed to being touchy feely, to being open, because that's just who I am when I'm in love. I'll try to be a little more reserved, for you."

Bernie smiled, even as she inwardly groaned. This was the last thing that she wanted, since it only meant that holding her partner's hand was even farther away than before. "And I'll try to be a little more open to you, Serena. There's things that I can work on, you know." She made to reach out for Serena, only to find her hand faltering a little before it fell back to her side. Instead, she stepped closer to Serena, needing to be in her personal space as they rode down to the café.

"You know what I like, I'll grab us a table," Serena said as they stepped off the lift and headed over to Pulses. Bernie gave her an absent nod before joining the queue. Fletch was just ahead of her, and she only hoped that he wouldn't turn and talk to her. It was not to be, however, as he just seemed to know that she was there.

"So, how are things between you and Serena? Jason couldn't help but tell me that you two were kissing quite intently whilst locked in your office."

Bernie blushed once more as she looked to find Serena, noting that she had managed to snag them a booth towards the back of the café. "We're okay."

"That's not what I want to hear. I want to hear that you love her."

"Well, that's a given. It's just…"

"Yes?" he asked, giving her a knowing smile.

She sighed as she turned her gaze back to him. "I want to hold her hand. It's as simple as that. There would be nothing in the world that I would like more than to just reach out, clasp that perfect hand of hers, thread our fingers together, and talk away the afternoon."

"That sounds quite romantic."

"Which is the problem, obviously. She only knows me as this reserved person, who doesn't do public displays of affection. And so every time that I reach for her hand, I falter. It's utterly ridiculous."

Fletch laughed a little as they moved forward, shaking his head. "I swear, the two of you make things so hard on each other. All you have to do is take the initiative. Be the Major who you are. Take control."

"Easier said than done, but thanks for the pep talk," she replied as they reached the front of the line. He only gave her a searching look as he placed his order, and she was grateful for the space between them once more, allowing her to get their order in place.

Fletch gave her one more look before he carried his coffee over to the lift. While she waited for their food and drinks, Bernie found herself glancing at Serena, giving her little smiles that she was clueless to. Finally, she took hold of the bag and cups, making her way to Serena's side and setting her cup down in front of her. "Finally!"

"Hey, I had to order for both of us, don't get shirty." She winked at Serena before digging into the bag and pulling out their sandwiches. "So, I was thinking supper tonight?"

"Barring any surprise surgeries, I say yes. We can go home and make something together. I bought a delicious piece of ahi tuna at market Sunday, and Jason won't eat it with me."

"That sounds perfect," Bernie said as she unwrapped her sandwich, grateful to have plans for the night that included Serena.


	2. Chapter 2

"We're all headed to Albie's after our shift. Are you two up for a night with us?"

Bernie looked up from her paperwork, smiling widely at Raf. "Well, I certainly am, I don't know about Serena. She's drawn the early shift tomorrow, and she won't be up to doing much drinking."

He nodded as he stepped into the office, closing the door behind him. "So, Fletch mentioned that you seem to have a problem being a little less than macho with our resident softhearted consultant. Take it from me, crying in front of her works wonders." The man reached out and patted her shoulder lightly. "But then, I'm always crying about one thing or another."

The smile that danced on Raf's lips caused her to smile in return and she bit the corner of her lip lightly as she rolled her eyes a little. "I don't cry."

"Maybe that's the problem. Crying isn't weak, Bernie, it's an emotional release that allows us to connect with those closest to us. And the easiest way to let those barriers down is to watch a sad movie together and just let things come naturally."

She cocked her head to one side as she thought about his words. "Maybe. I can't promise you that it will happen anytime soon, but I will take your advice under consideration."

"And what advice is that?" Serena asked as she bustled into the room, giving Bernie a warm smile as she took a seat behind her computer. "Well?"

"Raf was just telling me how to get in touch with my feminine side."

"He needs to leave his hands off your feminine side, if you ask me," she shot back, before gasping and looking at Raf, her cheeks turning bright pink as she pursed her lips together. There was a long beat of silence before Bernie started to chuckle, and Serena narrowed her eyes at her. "Fuck you, Berenice," she hissed. "This is not funny!"

"Oh, I beg to differ, Ms. Campbell. I find it quite hilarious."

Bernie's eyes widened as Raf uttered what was certain to be his last words on this planet. Serena whipped her head around to focus her infamous glare on him, and Bernie could hear his swallow, as he realized just what a large gaffe he had made. "Out of my office. Now! And you are buying all of my drinks tonight, are we clear?"

"As crystal, Serena." He stood and tripped from the room, the door closing loudly behind him.

Bernie tried to wait an appropriate amount of time before she dissolved into giggles, her hands pressing tightly against her abdomen. "It's not that funny."

"In the words of our dear Mister di Lucca, I beg to differ, Ms. Campbell. It's bloody hilarious! I mean, did you see his face when you fixed your eyes on him?" She looked at Serena, hoping that she would understand the absurdity of the situation. "Seriously, Serena, smile. It was quite funny."

Serena rolled her eyes as she turned back to her monitor. The corner of her lips, however, began to tick upwards, and Bernie knew that she was close to losing control. And then, their eyes met, and the first laugh slipped out. Soon, they were both chortling, and Bernie wiped away the mirthful tears that were rolling down her cheeks. "I did think that he was going to have a heart attack there for a moment," she finally gasped out through her giggles, and Bernie nodded.

"So, how many drinks are you going to have tonight?"

"Probably just two glasses of wine. Though you are free to stay as long as you wish. You're not coming home with me tonight, after all."

"I'm not?"

"Well, if you want to, I suppose you can. I just thought that you might like a break from me."

"I'll let you know when I need a break from you, and it won't be anytime soon, that's for certain," she replied. Her hand itched to reach across their desks and clasp Serena's, but she held back for some reason. Serena didn't seem to notice anything amiss, instead going back to her work, a pleased smile on her lips.

The hours slipped by quickly, and then she was changing back into her street clothes. Serena met her at the locker room, Bernie's coat in her hands. "I thought it might get us over there a little quicker if I met you here."

"Perfect." She slipped into her trench and once more tried to reach for Serena's hand. Her partner didn't seem to notice the action, as she adjusted how her bag was resting on her shoulder before shoving her hands into her pockets.

Letting out a little sigh, she followed suit and they walked downstairs together, quietly murmuring about how the rest of their days had gone. Soon, they were in the bar, and Serena drifted over to Raf at the bar while Bernie went and joined Fletch and Dom. "So, you're finally here. Have you cried in front of her yet?" Dom asked before sipping from his drink.

"I can't believe Raf told you that!"

"No, Fletch told me, actually."

Turning, she glared at Raf. He must have felt her gaze on him, since he glanced over and then blanched before turning back to Serena, murmuring something into her ear. Her partner gave her a searching look before shaking her head and carrying two glasses over to her side. "Move your arse," Serena said lowly as she tried to slip into the seat with her.

Bernie nodded as she complied, taking the whiskey tumbler from Serena's hand. Bernie made certain to let her fingers drift across Serena's skin slowly, hoping that this time the more blatant hint would be understood, and she would clasp said hand. Instead, she just smiled sweetly at her before lifting her glass to her lips and taking a small drink. "Why didn't you get wine for me?"

Serena shrugged as she wiggled a little, obviously trying to get comfortable. Bernie didn't mind the movements, since that meant she was touching her more, but it wasn't exactly the thing she was looking for. "You're going to spend the day at home, puttering around in the garage, right?" Bernie nodded. "So it won't matter if you get hammered. I, on the other hand, have to be a little more conservative, since I'll have patients to deal with."

Bernie nodded as she swirled the amber liquid around in her glass. "I suppose there is some truth in that. Though I don't want you to have to carry me home."

Serena waggled her eyebrows as she laughed. "Maybe I want to have my wicked way with you, Bernie. And it is so much easier to do that when you're liquored up." It was Bernie's turn to blush, and she brought the glass to her lips, needing to place some space between herself and the others who were chuckling at Serena's ribald statement. "You certainly are more handsy when you've had a bit too much to drink."

Bernie nodded as she gulped down her whiskey. "I do feel a bit freer, yes, when I've been drinking." _But not free enough to hold my girlfriend's hand._

"Well, there you go, Bernie. Maybe you just need to be really drunk to…" Raf quickly shut up at the black look Bernie shot him, and she gave him a small nod before holding out her glass. "I'll be right back with a refill."

"See that you do that, Mister di Lucca." Bernie smiled as she rested her head on Serena's shoulder, feeling a sense of contentment steal over her soul as she listened to the chatter around her.


	3. Chapter 3

"Are you ready to head out?" Serena asked as she placed that damn fur hat atop her head.

Bernie nodded as she wrapped her warm coat around her body, quickly buttoning it up to the top. Jason popped out of the kitchen, a bright grin on his face as he held out the caroling books. "I think the Fletchlings are almost here. I saw a car pull into the drive at least," he said as he came over to their sides. "I hope that you're up for this, Doctor Bernie. I'm told that caroling can take a lot out of a person."

"Oh, do not try and scare her off, Jason! And it was Evie's idea, after all." Serena gave then a warm smile as she opened the door for Fletch and the others. "I hope that you are all ready to sing your hearts out tonight," she said indulgently as she welcomed the hugs from Evie and Ella before taking the littlest one from Fletch's arms and bundling him close.

"Oi, is the blonde job living with you then?" Mikey asked as he trudged over to Serena's side and hugged her tightly, fixing an almost comical glare on Bernie.

"No, Mikey, she just visits a lot." Serena gave her a knowing smile before guiding the group outside. "Now, we are going to go up and down the street, singing at every door, and if we get any tips, they are going to a good charity."

"Yes, Serena," the children chorused, and Bernie laughed lowly. This was a side to her partner that she didn't often see, and it made her wish that she had known the woman when she was raising her own children. That warm, maternal, side might have rubbed off a little on Bernie.

As they stepped into the cold December air, Bernie shivered and tugged on her gloves, before glancing over at Serena, hoping that she would be able to take hold of her hand as they walked along. Instead, it seemed that Ella had that same exact thought, as it was her tiny hand that was in Serena's clasp.

"I cannot believe this," she muttered as she hung towards the back of the group, taking the caroling book that Jason handed to her and carrying it under her arm as she stomped along the way.

"Is everything okay, Bernie?" Raf asked as he slowed his walk to match hers. "You don't look very happy."

"I'm jealous of a child," she muttered. "How low is that?"

"Are you jealous of Ella or the fact that she's bold enough to take hold of that free hand on your girlfriend?"

Bernie cocked her head to one side as they stepped up to the porch of the first house with lights on. Fletch knocked on the door before signaling them to start the first song in the book. As she sang, she listened for Serena's voice, a wave of pure love sweeping over her heart at the sound. She had a gorgeous voice, one that filled the night sky so completely that Bernie wondered if there were angels singing with them. They sang two songs before moving on to the next house, and Bernie turned to Raf, giving him a sharp nod. "I'm jealous of her boldness. I want that boldness. I'm supposed to be a woman of action, aren't I?"

"Yes, but you've recently faced returning here from Ukraine, and if I'm reading you correctly, you've had a hard time getting back into the swing of things, no matter how much you might pretend otherwise. Don't be afraid to go after what you want, especially if you want her. Because she is completely yours."

Bernie nodded as they stepped onto the threshold of the next home. She managed to sidle up to Serena's side, trying to ignore the dark look Mikey gave her. "The blonde job regrets very much that she ever left for Ukraine, good sir, and would thank you kindly to not try to kill her with your glares."

"You need to prove that you're here for the long haul. Dad and Raf think that you love her, but can't believe that you haven't said those words yet."

She looked up at Serena, taking in the bemused grin on her face. "Just because we haven't said those words in front of anyone else does not mean that we haven't said them to each other. Sometimes those words are too private to share with the world. So people talk in codes. For instance," she paused, taking a deep breath as her eyes never left Serena's, "I'm okay, you're okay…"

"And the world can go round," Serena finished, her eyes sparkling with tears. And just when Bernie thought she could finally, finally, take hold of her hand, Mikey took hold of it instead. Letting out a frustrated groan, she turned the caroling book to the right page and held it out for them to see, and she found the sound of Serena's voice, so close in her ear now, absolutely heavenly. "Carry the melody," Serena whispered fiercely in her ear.

"What?"

"You heard me. There's a descant part to this song, and I know it better than the melody. Sing the melody, loud and strong." She nodded sharply in response, focusing on the words to Hark! The Herald Angels Sing. Still, she found herself drifting at the sound of the last verse, when Serena began to sing something that fit so well with the song, and yet was so different. The dissonant sound of one chord towards the end sent shivers down her spine, and she looked at Serena, the notes torn from her lips in surprise. "What?" she asked after the song had ended.

"You just sounded so gorgeous," she breathed out as they turned and began to walk to the next house. Mikey slipped his hand into Bernie's, and she felt an easy smile cross her lips as they continued on. "I just, how did you know how to do that?"

"I was in choir throughout my childhood. Christmas music has always stuck with me, and since I had the best ear for music, I was always chosen to do the descants. If I had known that was all it took to make you listen to me, I would have done it ages ago." A soft giggle slipped from her lips as Bernie shook her head.

"I guess that you should have." Heedless of the children, she leaned in and kissed Serena's cheek. Mikey gagged a little, and she squeezed his hand tightly. "We don't need any commentary from the peanut gallery, Mikey."

"Well, that was mushy! You need a passionate kiss, if you really want to prove that you love her!"

Serena clucked her tongue a little, and Mikey swung his head around to look at her. "Passion has its place, along with sweetness. And sometimes sweetness is craved more than passion." They sighed in tandem, only to hear Evie and Ella start to giggle. "What?"

"Look up, Serena!" Evie said excitedly, and Bernie couldn't help but follow Serena's gaze heavenward. Jason was holding out a sprig of mistletoe above their heads, and she groaned a little. "Dad said that this was exactly what you needed tonight. I mean, we all need a little shove once in a while, right?" Whilst the look on Evie's face was innocent, Bernie knew that those words were rich with a double meaning for her.

"Right," she replied as she leaned in and softly kissed Serena's lips. As the embrace lingered on, she let her eyes flutter closed and gave herself over to the sweetness that was going to be their first Christmas together.


	4. Chapter 4

"I don't know why Angelica chose the middle of January for a wedding," Bernie muttered as she adjusted her suit coat. Serena just laughed as she came over to her side and kissed her cheek lightly.

"She was probably thinking about starting a new year off the right way. It's thoroughly romantic, you know." Bernie nodded as she turned her head and pecked at Serena's lips. "And now, I need to go apply my makeup. By the time I come out, we will need get moving. I probably took just a little too long in the shower."

Bernie blushed. "I may have helped contribute to that, darling." Serena giggled as she nodded, sashaying over to the bathroom and giving her a wink before closing the door. Bernie shook her head a little as she went over to the bed and took a seat, waiting for her partner. It seemed that Serena had a deft hand at applying her makeup, since she was back out by her side in twenty minutes, looking beautiful and put together. "Are you ready?"

"One second."

Bernie frowned as Serena went back to the closet and pulled out two hatboxes. "What did you do?"

"You cannot go to a wedding without a hat, Berenice, as well you know." Setting the boxes on the bed, Serena opened the first and pulled out a dapper top hat. It was a soft dove grey, which matched her suit completely, and a soft laugh escaped her lips as Serena settled it on her head at a cockeyed angle.

"And what sort of hat did you get?"

"I may have splurged on a Philip Treacy hat. This is the first time I'm meeting your side of the family, and I want to make a good impression." Serena pulled out her own dove grey hat, and Bernie gasped a little at the delicate creation. "I am definitely going to need another place to wear this, Bernie, because I cannot justify the price tag any other way."

"I can imagine," Bernie drawled as she watched Serena settle it on her head. It suited her so perfectly, and she sighed a little as she straightened the brim of her hat. "All right, let's head out."

Serena nodded as she slipped past her, and Bernie mentally kicked herself at the missed opportunity to take hold of Serena's hand and walk her out to the car. It was a short drive to the church, and then the valet was helping Serena from the car before coming around to her side and handing her a claim ticket. It was obvious that Angelica had spared no expense with this wedding, and she only hoped that the marriage would last longer than the time it took to pay off the loans.

And because it felt right, Bernie held out her arm to Serena, and she slipped her hand into the crook of Bernie's arm. It wasn't quite holding her hand, but it would have to do for the moment. "Do you want me to fill out the guest book? It would sort of let everyone know about your change of address, after all."

Bernie took a deep breath as she nodded, feeling perfectly okay with Serena taking that step. After all, they were living together, and she wasn't ashamed of that. Serena gave her a sweet smile as they went over to the book and as they waited, Serena disentangled her arm and rummaged through her purse for her compact, taking a look at her makeup and hair. "You look fine, darling."

"Sorry, I'm just a little nervous. I mean, this is a big deal for me. I mean, I'm sure it is for you, too, but you know them. I don't."

She wished that she could kiss her in that moment, but knew that it wasn't appropriate at all. Instead, she smiled at Serena as she sighed a little. "I wish that I could tell you everything will be fine meeting them, but I know my mother. She's a bit of a battleax, set in her ways. I told Daddy to break the news about us to her gently, but I don't know how she really will react to you. Just know that I'll be by your side no matter what. Because…"

"I'm okay, you're okay," Serena supplied, "and the world can go round." Bernie nodded, blinking her eyes rapidly as they got to the front of the line. Her mother was standing close by, and Bernie met her eye, giving her an anxious smile as she watched Serena fill out their information with a bold flourish, her elegant script seeming to fit in so well with the rest of the guests. It made Bernie feel a little put out, since her own writing would have been jagged amongst the others.

"Oh, Berenice! Is this the little friend that Charlotte has been telling us about?"

Her mother's voice cut straight through her heart, and she fought not to quail and quake, to feel like a recalcitrant child once more, as the woman came to stop right in front of them, blocking their progress into the sanctuary. "I'm Serena Campbell, yes, and you are?" her partner asked as she reached out her hand forthrightly, a determined cast on her face highlighted by the way her jaw tightened and her chin tilted up into the air. If it wasn't her mother in front of them, Bernie would have laughed at Serena, since she looked so adorably fierce and protective.

"I'm Victoria Wolfe, Berenice's mother." The words were clipped, which told Bernie that her mother was trying to be polite, since they were in public. So she went to defuse the situation, only for Serena to speak once more.

"It is a pleasure to meet the mother of my greatest joy." Both Bernie and her mother gasped, though they were much different sorts of sounds, and Bernie grinned as Serena slung her arm around Bernie's waist, clearly claiming her territory. "Hopefully, we're at the same table for the reception, and then I can pick your brain about all the ways in which you set my Berenice down the path that led her to me."

Her mother's eyes widened, taking in the very clear censure in Serena's voice, and Bernie felt a warm wave of love sweep over her heart as she pursed her lips together. There was a long pause before her mother nodded and then moved away from them, gesturing towards the doors of the sanctuary. Serena gave her a sharp nod before sweeping into the church proper, her arm never leaving Bernie's waist.

"You were incredible," Bernie breathed out as the usher sat them with the rest of her family, about six pews from the front. "It's been years since I've had to courage to stand up to her like that."

"Yes, well, sometimes you just need to look people like your mother in the eye and tell them to go to Hell, but in a nice, polite, manner. She needs to know that she can't destroy our happiness, no matter how hard she tries. I won't let her."

Bernie's chest swelled with pride as she nodded. "Exactly, Serena. But did you really have to call me by my full name?"

"Yes. Because if that is how she sees you, then that is how I claim you. My Berenice Griselda Wolfe. My greatest pleasure, and my greatest consternation at times." Bernie let out a squawk of a laugh, causing some of her family to glare at her. Serena shook her head a little before leaning over and giving her a quick kiss, firmly staking her claim in Bernie's life and family.


	5. Chapter 5

It was a surprisingly warm day for February, and Bernie decided that it would be the perfect day for a walk outside on their break. She didn't know how well Serena would take that idea, since she had made it quite clear that she preferred to spend winter days indoors, nestled up in front of the fireplace with a glass of Shiraz in one hand, a book in the other, Bernie by her side.

And yet, she couldn't help but think that this might finally be a good chance for her to boldly, publicly, proclaim their relationship by holding Serena's hand. The sex was incredible, that much was a given with the love they shared, but there was something so tender about the simple act of hand holding that Bernie still felt was out of her grasp.

Popping into their office, she was gladdened to see that Serena was sitting behind her computer, a concentrated frown on her face. Clearing her throat, she plastered a wide smile on her lips as Serena looked up at her. "Why do I think that you are up to something?"

"Serena! I'll have you know that I am not up to anything. It's just that whenever I see your face, I can't help but grin. However, you look entirely too serious for a gorgeous winter afternoon like this." Serena gave her a suspicious nod, and Bernie shrugged a little. "Which leads me to my question. I thought that we could take a long walk for our lunch hour, get the blood flowing for tonight."

She waggled her eyebrows at Serena, relaxing a little as her partner let out a tiny sigh as she shook her head and pushed away from the desk. "I get the feeling that this will be a bad idea. But I still can't find it in myself to deny your request to spend time together. Mind you, we are going to stick to sidewalks that are clear, since my footwear is not exactly the warmest."

Bernie nodded as she grabbed her scarf, wrapping it around her neck before shrugging into her coat and quickly fastening it. Serena was a little slower in bundling up, and then she was placing that ridiculous fur monstrosity atop her head, and Bernie shook her head a little. "Only you could make something like that look sexy."

"Which is a good thing, since this was expensive. You know how I am about bargains!"

Bernie rolled her eyes as she nodded. "That I do." Serena laughed as she sashayed from the room, and she found that all she could do was watch her partner's hips swing as she made her way towards the lift. It took a moment for her senses to come back to her, and then she was jogging after Serena, not wanting to lose any time with her.

"Did I temporarily rob you of locomotion, Bernie?" she asked as they waited for the lift to arrive.

"Maybe. You seem to have that effect on me." Her smile turned a little lazy as the door slid opened and they stepped inside. Serena let out a pleased laugh as she pressed the button for the ground floor, and Bernie watched as she pulled black leather gloves onto her hands. A part of her wished that she could be those gloves, that she could wrap her lover's hands in warmth, and she shook her head at the very flowery thoughts she was having.

"Whatever is on your mind?"

"Just that you are the most beautiful woman I've had opportunity to love." Serena sighed a little as she stepped into Bernie's personal space and tilted her head to one side, letting her cheek come to rest against her shoulder. "Really, after all these years of hiding who I was, locking away this piece of me that my mother didn't think was right, it sometimes takes my breath away to know that you just embraced that side of me wholeheartedly. With no reservations."

She cut her words off as a few other joined them in the lift, but Serena made no move away from her. Warmth flooded Bernie's core, radiating outwards from the pit of her stomach to envelop her completely. "Come along, Bernie," Serena murmured as the elevator opened on the ground floor, and she nodded as they walked out of the doors of Wyrven Wing and turned, headed in the direction of Holby City proper. "I was thinking that we could have a quiet Valentine's Day in, cooking for each other. Edward, well, he liked to make this big production of the stupid day, and I would rather be a little more lowkey. Because all I really need is the person I love, good food, and good wine. And perhaps some raw, sweaty, passion to cap the night off with?"

She threw her head back and laughed as they continued walking. "I can't think of one reason why I would want to object to that, Serena." Her partner reached out and shoved her lightly, causing her to step into a snowbank. The shock of it caused her to pause, and a wicked little grin spread across her lips as she bent down to pack some of the snow into a tight ball. "Oh, darling…"

Serena paused and turned to look at her, her eyes widening as she saw what was in Bernie's hand. "Don't you dare, Berenice."

The low tone in Serena's voice should have given Bernie pause, but it didn't, and she tossed the snowball up into the air and catching it as she continued to stare at her. Serena shook her head and then hurried ahead to another pile of snow, making her own ball and arching one eyebrow. "And who do you think will win this little standoff?"

"Me," she bit out as she launched the snowball at Bernie, hitting her squarely in the chest. It was an amazing shot, and her jaw dropped as she looked down at the cold spot on her coat. "Score one for Serena!"

"It is on!" Bernie growled as she lobbed her snowball at Serena, managing to catch her hat, knocking it off her head and onto the ground. Serena gaped at her, her lower lip quivering a little as she knelt down and picked up her hat, brushing off the slush before hugging it tightly to her chest. "Serena?"

"You knocked my hat off!" Again, the wounded look, the quivering lip, and Bernie dropped her head down to stare at the ground, unable to meet her lover's eyes. "There is no excuse for that."

"You started it," she muttered as she dug her toe into the pavement. A small movement caught her periphery vision, and she didn't have any time to prepare for Serena's next move, which was to shove a handful of snow down her coat before giving her a tight hug and pressing the cold substance into her clothes and skin. "Fucking hell, Serena! That's fucking cold!"

"It's better than swimming with the fishes."

"It's sleeping with the fishes, darling." Serena giggled before pulling back and kissing her softly. "And I promise that next time, your hat will be off limits. I really didn't aim for it deliberately."

"I know, I just wanted to see what your face looked like, Bernie, when I paid you back. Now, do you want to head back or continue our walk?"

"I think that we could continue on for a little while. Just let me shake out some of this snow." Serena nodded as she watched her, and Bernie gave her a sly smirk, all thoughts of holding her partner's hand totally out of her mind as she began to think about ways she could pay her back.


	6. Chapter 6

Bernie felt Serena's eyes on her before she even said a word to her. Looking up from her computer, she felt her brow furrow in confusion at the pensive look on her lover's face. "Is everything okay, Serena?" she asked as she bounded to her feet and closed the distance between them, taking hold of her arm and guiding her over to a chair before pressing her downwards.

Serena sat heavily as she continued to focus her gaze on Bernie. She opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out, and Bernie leaned in to frame her face with her hands. This seemed to calm something in her mind, and Serena gave her a small smile before glancing down at her lap. "I thought I could handle this on my own."

"Handle what, Serena?"

"I, I had an abnormal result on one of the tests run at my yearly physical. My GP wants me to come in and have a talk with her." Bernie felt her blood run cold at Serena's words, fear instantly gripping her heart. "It could be nothing, really, but the possibility of it not being nothing has begun to overwhelm me a little. Raf said that he would cover for you, since it was already a half day on the schedule for me, if you wanted to come with me. Please, come with me?"

"Of course." Serena raised her face to look at Bernie, and she tried to keep a brave smile on her lips at the sight of her beloved crying. "Come here." She opened her arms and Serena fell against her chest, still crying softly. Since Serena couldn't see her face with hers buried in Bernie's breasts, it allowed her the freedom to shed a few tears of her own as she rocked them back and forth, murmuring gentle words in her ear. "What time do we need to go?" she finally whispered as she pushed Serena away from her.

"In about twenty minutes."

"That's more than enough time to run down to Pulses and get us a cup of coffee before I drive you. Here, let me help you into your coat." Bernie placed her hands beneath Serena's elbows and drew her upwards. Once they were standing, she wasn't surprised when Serena stepped even closer to her, wrapping her arms around Bernie's waist to hold her tightly. "I won't leave your side, Serena. I promise."

"I know, and that is part of why I love you so much. You're so very dear to me."

Bernie nodded as she gently disentangled herself from Serena's embrace, grabbing her coat and helping her into it before she slipped into her own and grabbed her bag. "Let's head out."

Serena nodded dumbly as she hooked the strap of her purse over her shoulder. There was a brief flutter of movement in her hands, and Bernie smiled as they stepped out into the ward. Cam was working with a patient, and he gave them a wide grin as he nodded. Bernie easily returned the expression, even though she wasn't truly feeling that happy at the moment. Raf and Morven walked past, hardly giving them a second look, though the quick quirk of the man's eyebrows told Bernie that things were okay there as well.

So, Bernie did the thing that she had wanted to do for so long. Reaching out, she took hold of her lover's hand and threaded their fingers together. It felt so right, to be holding her hand like that, to have that public, tangible, affirmation that they were partners, and it seemed that Serena felt the same, as she squeezed Bernie's hand tightly as they went over to the lift. "I don't want coffee, Bernie. I want to walk with you, hand in hand, until we have to leave. I've wanted to hold your hand for so long."

"Chalk that up to my lacking courage, Serena. I just never could find the opportunity, or it was taken from me, and it just never seemed the right time. But now, I don't know if I'll ever be able to let your hand go. It seems to fit rather perfectly in mine, after all."

Serena looked up at her as they stepped into the elevator, and she gave her partner a loving smile as she pressed the button for the ground floor. "Yes, it does, doesn't it?" Serena pursed her lips together tightly, and Bernie knew that meant she was trying to keep from crying. Using the leverage of their connected hands, she tugged Serena close to her chest, letting her cheek come to rest against the top of her head. "I'm so scared, Bernie," she whispered.

"Don't be, sweetheart. You have all of Holby at your disposal, should there be something terribly wrong, and I happen to know a great trauma surgeon who will be at your beck and call, should you need time to recuperate."

"There is that. And you'll have a capable porter who would be able to assist as well." Serena let out a watery laugh as she nuzzled her face against Bernie's coat. "What if I die?"

"We all die, Serena. It's what we do before that, that truly matters. And believe me, I would put up quite the fight with the Keres before letting them touch a single hair on that head of yours."

"Thank you," Serena whispered, still holding Bernie close as other people joined them on the lift. Bernie found that she didn't mind who was seeing them like this, because in that moment, the others didn't matter. All that her world had come down to was Serena in that moment, and that was how she wanted it.

"Here we go," she murmured as they reached the ground floor, and she guided her from Wyrven Wing and out into the cool March air. Serena pulled away a little, though she still held onto Bernie's hand as they slowly walked about. There was something calming about this moment, and she allowed silence to fall naturally between them as they went along.

"All right, Berenice, I think that it's time to head out. Don't let go of my hand?"

"Never, Serena." They shared a tender look before Serena stopped them and leaned in, pressing her lips to Bernie's in a soft kiss. "And when we get home, you're going to put your feet up whilst I make you coffee and something to eat. I don't normally do domestic, but I will take care of you."

"I know that you will." They went over to Bernie's car, and Serena slipped into the passenger seat. Serena gave the directions to her as she drove, and they were there in no time at all. Her partner's breathing had taken on a decidedly labored pitch, and Bernie felt her heart break a little at the sound. "I don't think I can go in there."

Serena's voice broke a little at the end, and Bernie reached to rub her arm softly. "You can. You will. I will be by your side the entire time. Holding your hand." She smiled at Serena until she smiled back, and then they were getting out of the vehicle and she was at her partner's side in a heartbeat, grabbing hold of her hand as they entered the building.

It didn't take long to get Serena signed in, and before they could take a seat in the waiting room, a nurse showed them back to an exam room. "Doctor Chandler will be here in a moment to talk with you, Ms. Campbell."

"Thank you," she said quietly before turning her focus on Bernie's face. "I'm not ready."

"You are ready."

"Who will look after Jason?"

"I will."

"I love you." Bernie smiled as she nodded. "I really love you."

"I really love you, too, Serena." She leaned forward and touched their foreheads together as she reached out for Serena's other hand, clasping it tightly.

"Ah, I finally get to meet the elusive Bernie." She glanced over at the door to see an older woman bustle in, a warm smile on her lips that didn't quite reach her eyes. "Now, to discuss your test results. I am a touch concerned with the fact that your white blood cell count is so elevated." Their hands tightened, and Bernie tried not to immediately think of the worst-case scenario. "There are a few, more in depth, tests that we'll need to run, but since you're not presenting any symptoms of something more serious, I truly believe that this is simply stress related. From what you've told me, the last year of your life has been full of upheaval, which can seriously affect your system."

Serena nodded as she scooted closer, and Bernie reluctantly let go of her hand so that she could wrap her arm around Serena's waist and hold her. "Well, that's better news than I had thought we'd be receiving. Stress, huh?"

"Most likely. Especially since your blood tests didn't reveal any hint of cancer cells. At most, this might be an infection of some sort that we need to get under control, and then you'll be right as rain." Serena's body sagged against hers, and Bernie nodded at the doctor as she pursed her lips together in an effort not to cry in relief. "So, I'm giving you these orders, head to the phlebotomist and get your blood drawn, and I'll let you know those results in a week or so."

"Thank you, Doctor Chandler." The woman nodded as she patted Serena's shoulder before leaving them alone once more, the paperwork they needed on the counter. Once the door was closed, Serena turned to Bernie and hugged her tightly. "I might be okay."

"You will be okay." She gently lifted her lover's chin so that she could capture her lips in a quick kiss. "And now, we're going to get that blood drawn, and then we are going home and I am going to take care of you tonight. Because you deserve a bit of pampering, don't you?"

Serena nodded before kissing her once more. "I think I might, Bernie. Oh, I am so glad that you were here with me today, holding my hand." Bernie nodded as they stood, and she took hold of Serena's free hand as they left the exam room, a sense of hope filling her senses, lifting her up from the depths she had just been in. She assumed Serena felt much the same, as her thumb kept tapping against her hand, a joyous tattoo that filled Bernie's heart.

And when Serena got the call from her GP a week later, giving her the news that it was just an infection, and a prescription had been sent to Holby City Hospital that she had to take, it was Bernie's hand that instantly slipped into hers, squeezing softly as their lips met in a tender kiss, sealing their love.


End file.
